Yes, I know. We’re actually on Day 9 but I just have to stop for a moment and re-visit Day 3.
Back to Jacob. Jacob wrestled with God in Genesis 32:24. What would be the consequences for wrestling with God? What would be the benefits for wrestling with God? Well, Jacob got a new name…Israel “because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome”. Gen. 32:28 But, that is not all he got. Jacob, or Israel, went away from that night with a limp.
Do I want to wrestle with God? Off the top of my head, I would have to say No! I want a joyful, peaceful, uplifting time with my Lord. But, is that all God has for me? I don’t think so. For me to only desire a “joyful, peaceful, uplifting” time with God, that is like saying to God…I only want a piece of You…a piece of a relationship with You. I don’t really want to know You or understand You, not really. I only want to know the pretty part of You.
It is scary to want to wrestle with God. It is scary to want to really know God. Because I might walk away with a limp…different…not quite whole, by worldly standards. I am afraid. Oh, it’s easy to say “I want to know God and I want a personal relationship with Him”. But, I know that our relationship takes on a truly new dimension when I walk through those valleys. It is the valleys that give my relationship with Him a deeper understanding, a deeper commitment. But, valleys are HARD!!! They are scary!!
Sometimes I think about my worst fear and I wonder if God would have me walk in that valley…the loss of a child. Oh Lord, how I pray not. Or the loss of my husband or a parent. Lord, please no. There are SO many other women to whom this valley is so very real. I have witnessed the Lord’s grace in their life. They walk with a horrible limp but I wonder if they realize how very beautiful they are to others? To me? How God’s very own light shines so beautifully from their soul, do they realize?
I want to want to wrestle with God. I feel unworthy. I feel insecure. But, I do know one thing. I am delving into God’s Word. “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God” (Psa. 42:1) is the perfect verse that represents how I feel. God’s Word is the stream from which I drink and the Bible in 90 Days is helping to fulfill this need.
The Bible in 90 Days has helped me to literally walk around all day with my Bible in immediate reach. Even though I love reading the Bible, I am surprised that I don’t want to stop reading when that day’s reading is complete. I can’t seem to put it down. God is amazing!!!!!
Will I one day walk with some sort of limp? I don’t know. But, God knows. I do know that He will see me through whatever valleys are in my path. He will carry me when I cannot walk. He will always be there with me.
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